Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
