Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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