she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
