the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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