in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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