How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize