My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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