I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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