She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize