who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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