Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
how drunk are you?
Several
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
