I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
