twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
