You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
