listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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