And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
