I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
