Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
