ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
