worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
