nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
