the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
