physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
