Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
