Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
