Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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