got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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