before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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