Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
