so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
whose ass print is on the piano?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Never let your siblings swipe right.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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