batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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