she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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