i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
