im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
