I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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