Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
