dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
