Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
