Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
