I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
