This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
