Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
