just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
