My nipple is on Facebook.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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