she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
