Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to make out with him forever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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