Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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