worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
