Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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