I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
