Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i believe in u and ur pee
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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