I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
