I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
