My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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