Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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