I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
