But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize