I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
