With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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