Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
